Our conception journey has been one large Alice in Wonderland experience. The first positive pregnancy test showed up in January along with the stereotypical reaction most planned pregnancies come with. This was everything we wanted.
We quickly saw those double pink lines consecutively fade with each new pregnancy test that we took out of disbelief. I became concerned. A few days later the spotting began.
March sprang around with another positive pregnancy test, matched with a stark difference in reaction to our first positive. Again, just before 6 weeks, the pregnancy had came and went.
What we know now.
We all know folx who've miscarried. It's a scientific part of conception. Particularly one fourth of the conception process actually, since 25% of recognized pregnancies end in loss... a number that no physician or teacher has mentioned to me before. I'm far from the first to recognize and experience the lack in education about the female body.
A third positive introduced itself just as we decided to take a break from the emotional labor of growing a family. A kind soul encouraged me to physically celebrate this positive pregnancy test since I was particularly numb about the news. I swapped out my normal celebratory Jameson and water with a pint of Ben & Jerrys.
18 weeks later and this pregnancy is still growing. I'm feeling stoked, under-charged, grateful, and impatient to meet our double rainbow Aries baby ♈️🌈🌈.
I've been trying to mindfully appreciate everyday I get to spend with this little alien. I'm thankful for the team at the Utah Fertility Center who made me feel heard and seen and monitored me closely during the first eight weeks of our current pregnancy. They truly made a difference in the story that I was telling myself about my body.
My new mantra is “my body is not a lemon” (a little something I picked up from Tennessee midwife Inna May). My mind will always be with those who find themselves on a different conceiving path than they thought they’d be on.
But no matter what that path looks like... our bodies are not lemons. Best wishes to all the folx on a similar journey.